Christine Lavin - Artifical Means Lyrics
ARTIFICIAL MEANS(Christine Lavin, Copyright Flip-A-Jig Music 1984)Johnny and Janie were the perfect married coupleBut not in bedOh they tried taking drugs, How-To Books, even Dr. RuthBut for all intents and purposes,Their love life was dead.'Till one day Janie went over to the Pink *****cat Boutique.She bought a long cylindrical thing.Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not.Every night you can hear him sing,He says,''Our love is bein' kept alive by Artificial Means,You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine,Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''Johnny went down to the barroomHe bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three.Oh, he moaned to the bartender the state of his married life.Bartender said, ''Hey Bud, just listen to me.''So Johnny went over to the Pink *****cat Boutique,He bought a plastic blow-up doll.Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not.She is angry she is jealous, she's appalled.She says''Our love is bein' kept alive by Artificial MeansYou've grown emotionally attached to that poly-ethylene.Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems,'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''Bridge: Wires (wires), Switches (switches), Batteries(batteries), Plastic (plastic),Tufts of polyester hair.Who'd ever think they could replace the love (love!)Humans used to share (humans used to, humans used to,humans used to, humans used to!)Then one fateful day those batteries diedAt the same moment that that big doll sprung a leak (psssss).Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny,They both found it difficult to speakI wish I could say they threw those contraptions awayAnd fell in love all over again,But Johnny taped up that hissing womanWhen Janie stole the batteries from his Sony Walkman.Their love is bein kept alive by Artificial Means.They've grown emotionally attached to those modern sexmachines.Their relationship is not as healthy as it seems,'Cause their love is being kept alive by artificial means@sexfilename[ ARTMEANSBR===DOCUMENT BOUNDARY
